Four Questions

I have heard from many of you that the beginning of this year has been emotionally tumultuous. I agree whole-heartedly! I have also experienced a period of release and realignment that has forced me to assess my reality and relationships from a new perspective. This process has not been comfortable or smooth to say the least, but the results I am now experiencing are quite rewarding on a deeper level.

During this transformational process, when I was feeling out of sorts and ungrounded, I used four questions as my tools of self-inquiry:

What am I experiencing? What am I feeling? What do I need? How can others support me with what I need?

I do recommend writing the answers down on paper or at least on your computer. Writing is very therapeutic and greatly assists in the process of self-inquiry. Our mind has an amazing ability for creative thought. Depending on the individual, this capacity for creative thinking can be quite useful in some scenarios but also debilitating when circular and extreme. Writing helps bring structure to our thoughts. When we take what we are thinking and place it on a page it no longer is floating around in our mind. It has taken form as words and sentences on a practical level. This assists us with understanding and assimilating our thoughts into productive meaning that relates to our practical experiences.

What am I experiencing? This question prompts you to look at what is happening to you on a very practical level. What are the events that are going on at this time.

What am I feeling? This question prompts you to really focus in on what you are feeling and separate your feelings out of what you are experiencing which may bring a deeper level of clarity to the situation. What emotions are coming forward at this time? Anger? Frustration? Resentment? Fear? Grief? Sadness? Joy? Relief? Vunerability?

For example, What am I experiencing? I am experiencing many of my long-term relationships being released which is opening up more space in my reality. On a very practical level I am no longer corresponding/interacting with them as before. I know that I am ready for new things/relationships to come to me that support the new steps I am taking with MeWe&Us. What am I feeling? I am feeling loss and dis-orientation. Some of these relationships have been a huge part of my life. There is a void and also a new feeling of openness, which is new to me, and feels exciting but also precarious.

What do I need? This question prompts you to assess what it is you can do for yourself as nurturing as you walk through this period of re-alignment and growth. You do not need to “fix” the situation or push through it. Personal growth requires self-inquiry and attention. It is very similar to when you cut yourself and are rummaging through your box of Band-Aids. What size and type of Band-Aid is appropriate for this new ailment? Do I need to wash it out first, and let it dry before applying the Band-Aid?

Sometimes we can benefit from some tender loving care and wrapping ourselves, like a Band-Aid, in nurturing activities. Cleansing ourselves internally, energetically through meditation, and externally, symbolically, in the form of a long hot bath may be beneficial. Being aware of your needs and how to fulfill your needs accelerates spiritual growth and development. We may not immediately know what it is we need, but by trying different things we eventually come upon the one thing that brings a deep inner feeling of comfort and contentment.

What is it that I need while releasing some of my long-term relationships? Self-compassion, patience, and acceptance. On a physical level, taking time to soak in the hot springs near my house which fills me with a deep inner joy and contentment. It soothes any anxiety I have with the openness and precariousness of my new reality.

How can others support me with what I need? This question is very useful, and I use it as an exercise to write down exactly what I need to express to others and how they can assist me with my growth.

So often we do not express to others what we are experiencing, feeling, and need. We assume they should know and automatically help us without taking the time to verbally share with them. It is not always easy to share what you are experiencing and feeling when you do not know yourself. Sometimes prompting yourself to share even when you are not sure what that is, is the exact exercise that brings clarity. Sometimes I start my sharing with… “I feel fragile and I am going through some personal growth that I need you to be aware of.”

How can others support me in releasing some of my long-term relationships? Be a friend. Give me space and allow me to process and assimilate my new reality at my own pace. This may take time and patience. Be open and willing to hear what is working and not working for me on a very practical level.; "I don’t feel like eating", or, "a large piece of chocolate cake would be nice right now". Not all my actions and choices may make sense for while, but I know eventually this will come together with larger meaning at some point. Join me in my ritual of soaking in the hot springs.

This new year is not only a time for releasing vibrations of the last year but also the vibrations of the last decade. We are starting a new year and a new decade, and with that will be great clarity; hence 20-20 vision. Clarity can be disturbing and uncomfortable. Seeing ourselves with clarity can bring on some uncomfortable emotions and feelings. As long as we are compassionate with our Self and others, we will be able to walk through this together and enjoy and share the wonders of our human adventure.


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