You may have noticed I stepped away from blogging and posting these last few weeks. There is a reason for this. I am unfolding a whole new wave of healing that is interconnected with my healing from Lupus. This wave involves aspects of my childhood and emotional abuse which I have been acknowledging, accepting, and reprocessing over the last few weeks.
When I experienced the healing process from Lupus, I addressed three of the four aspects of my Self: physical, spiritual, and emotional. This new wave of healing involves all four which adds the mental aspect. I learned from my last healing experience what it takes to experience health and joy, and now I am learning about inner peace. Inner peace is the expression of healing the mental aspect of my Self.
What is the catalyst that starts or initiates a wave of healing? For me, both waves of healing have started the same way. My reality starts to unfold in a different way than I have imagined and at first, I have trouble accepting how it is unfolding compared to my expectation and imagined story. In the first wave with Lupus, my husband accepted a political position which required us to campaign and live a more public life. I was expected to participate in many activities that did not truly synche with my inner desires of a quiet, simple life. At that time, I was also sick on and off with the symptoms of Lupus which I kept private. Only a few close friends even new I had Lupus.
With this new wave, the same dynamics are happening. When I healed from Lupus, I imagined a healthy and joyful life where I would write a book and help others with Lupus understand how they may heal too. As I began to write, however, I began to learn and understand more about health in general and the dynamics and significance of suffering within the greater context of Consciousness and Existence. Lupus is just one form of suffering and the source that creates the symptoms of Lupus are the same for all suffering. This was no longer a simple “how to” book on healing. I was now attempting to convey the dynamics of Consciousness and Existence in relation to suffering.
The unfoldment of the MeWe&Us project is not the simple book I imagined. It is much larger and involves many people, a website, and programming. It is organically expanding very fast. The simple life of retirement that not only myself but also my husband, Kris, imagined and expected is not what our reality actually is in the present moment. Again, what I am experiencing personally, what is unfolding in this present moment does not match my past expectations. This is the initial stage of a wave of healing. When this happens, this not only affects me but also all of my relationships.
Our relationships create a story in which we have a role. All my relationships have created a story, and my role in my story also overlaps into other stories. My initial intention with healing from Lupus was to change the end of my story from a tragedy to a success. I imagined healing and helping others heal, and relieving my immediate and extended families of the burden of my illness. Everyone would be happy and rejoice at this new type of relationship that did not involve illness. Little did I know at that time, that my illness was an integral part of the dynamics of most of my relationships and without that aspect, the relationships were uncomfortable, confusing, and in some cases, didn’t work any more.
With this new wave of healing, my reality is unfolding in such a way with MeWe&Us, that all of my relationships are being affected, because… again, now, I am playing a different role. I am stepping out and asserting myself in new ways which involve workshops and events, that require different ways of making decisions and allocating time. I am experiencing new aspects of my Self that are quite different than the chronically ill, helpless, and needy child, adolescent, young adult, and adult. The ill Wendy was familiar and comfortable to everyone and also provided specific roles for others as caretakers.
In the last half of the year, I have been experiencing dissonance in many of my relationships; some more extreme than others. Because of this I sought counseling and an objective view of what I was experiencing and why. Oh… so much has been revealed to me. The beliefs and behavior patterns I established and experienced when I was a child, which were not the healthiest, have carried over into my adult life. What I was taught as love, nurturing, and affection as a child are beliefs that are continually being established and experienced in my current reality. When my reality is unfolding in this new way with MeWe&Us, I am pushing the envelope of my reality and the old established beliefs and patterns. I am presented with a learning opportunity in the form of healing old beliefs and patterns that no longer serve me and hinder my personal growth and the growth of MeWe&Us.
The first step in the process of healing is becoming aware of the beliefs and patterns that no longer serve me, how they were established, and how I reprocess them into more productive beliefs and patterns. That is what I have been experiencing the last few weeks which has not left much time for blogging or posting.
I have spent much time contemplating and have been guided, that with this new wave of healing, by sharing my experiences as they are happening and correlating them to the MeWe&Us concepts and principles, I expand the awareness of others on what is involved in a wave of healing. With this wave, I have a stronger sense of self and am learning and refining my understanding, as well as many others, about Top-Down awareness. What and adventure!
It is not only an adventure in the expansion of awareness but also in humility, vulnerability, and transparency for me. What I will be sharing with you will take strength and courage, a whole new level of strength and courage for me, which happens to be the two virtues of my focus… how appropriate don’t you think? And my life objective… is Communication. Sharing this wave of healing as a form of learning, for more than just me, is in total alignment with my life objective!
Welcome…. Get comfortable… I believe it is going to be a wild ride that is most rewarding on so many dimensional levels! We have much learning to do…
Love you all very much, Wendy