Healing is experienced in waves. In some spiritual information, healing is referred to as peeling away layers of an onion. Each layer or wave expands our awareness of our Self; we reveal more about the truth of who and what we truly are in the much larger context of consciousness and existence. We peel away layers of distortion and misperceptions about our Self, and we get closer to the core, or Truth of who and what we truly are.
When I look back on my life and healing experiences, I can see a similar pattern or sequence of events within each wave of healing. At this time, I am experiencing what I recognize as the first event of a wave; my awareness has expanded (I have experienced a jolt of mental clarity) and some of the practical aspects of my reality are no longer ok. I am “seeing” and understanding my practical experiences (events and relationships) in a new light from a new perspective. I now realize that I was previously rationalizing and justifying unhealthy experiences and relationships as ok by “mentally making them into” what I wanted them to be, rather than acknowledging and accepting them as they actually were.
For example, before the Lupus wave of healing, I held in mind, I imagined, the ideal life of a husband, family, career, activities, and friends. I was programmed with this imaginary ideal life through the ideals and values established in my childhood, marketing and advertising, television and movies, and the culture and religion I was exposed to up to that time. I projected this imaginary ideal life onto my experiences and relationships rather than experiencing what was actually happening. I was perceptually deceiving myself.
There was a point when my perceptual distortion of the imaginary ideal life and what was happening was so different that I could no longer keep up the mental charade. I experienced an awakening; I suddenly became very aware of my “reality” as it actually was.
Lately, I have experienced another awakening that is very similar to my previous awakening with Lupus. I have become very aware of unhealthy behavior patterns in my relationships that are personally undermining and inhibiting my spiritual growth. Some of these behavior patterns were established during my childhood and originated from early ingrained beliefs about myself.
Awakenings are a jolt of mental clarity that expands our awareness but also has associated emotional reverberation. During an awakening, we experience many emotions that are associated with the old mental concepts, beliefs, and self-truths we are releasing. When we process and release these old concepts, beliefs, and self-truths we also reprocess the associated emotion. The depth of emotional reverberation depends on the depth of contrast between the perceptual deception and actual reality.
My current awakening has involved a large amount of emotional reverberation: shock, shame, anger, grief, sadness, guilt, and just plain hurt. My perceptual deception associated with these unhealthy behavior patterns were established when I was very young and has been an integral part of my mental construct for over 50 years. Healing from Lupus was just weeding the plants in the garden but not truly getting all their roots. This next wave of healing is digging up all the roots; the very source of my suffering.
I truly believe we are given exactly what we can handle in all situational exercises of healing. Addressing the entire scope, plants and roots at once, was probably too much for me in the initial wave of healing from Lupus. Now that I have established, from the initial wave of healing, a much deeper relationship with my Self and Higher Consciousness and understand suffering and healing from a more dimensional and holographic perspective, I am in the process of digging up and tossing the roots that no longer serve me.